(Yes, I’m aware of these bait-y titles.)
Anyway, I’m 23 years old. I live in my house with my wife. We have many teens in the neighborhood, which is good for my sister-in-law but one of them took a particular liking to me.
The girl and I just casually started talking when I would go for walks, for example. She then started acting really weird, like giggly or flushed. She told me she was bi but preferred women. I’m a lesbian.
Eventually, she confessed that she had feelings for me, though she knew I couldn’t return them. She has also told her friend (19F) that we are dating, when I told her this was not the case and I was married.
I am married and do not like this fourteen-year-old girl. How do I be respectful about not returning her feelings even if she knows I’m married?
First, I think there’s some risk if she’s telling people you two are dating. Definitely tell your wife, but you should also probably talk to her parents about it.
This is an opportunity to teach her about boundaries, appropriate behavior, and unrequited love in a relatively controlled environment. She will listen to you in ways that she won’t listen to parents.
You could have a direct conversation with her about how it’s not ok to tell other people that you’re dating. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that she knows you have a wife but still told you she has feeling for you. Tell her that you are happily married and not interested in dating a fourteen year old. Model clear communication.
And empathize with her that it’s hard to have feelings for someone that doesn’t like you back. Talk about how you’ve handled it in the past. Tell her that it’ll pass. Tell her what she should know as she grows up.
She’s a teenager, so her feelings for you will go away regardless, but I think you can make the rest of her life tangibly better by having a real conversation with her.