I didn’t really think about it before, but yes, the tactile sensation of its smooth but clearly not artificially smooth surface is there. The apple isn’t in one piece like this. It’s fragmented but connected (seemingly like everything else in my memory). When I think of an apple, the shape, the various red shades, surface feel, crispness, smell and flavor of a bite, as well as the visual guidance of a knife to cut into it all manifest at nearly the same time.

And yes, that’s exactly how I would describe it like a framebuffer. Almost as fast too, a single frame where an image of an apple sits on a table then the rest of my processing continues.

For whatever reason, computer science and architecture has helped me explain this as sort of a populated instance of class Apple. This instance sits in hard storage, and retrieves it when I get apple from main memory.

But that’s not just all. Apple is a fruit, so I also get information about the fruit object, and fruits connected to it too, in real time.

I have ADHD, so I know my brain is physically wired differently. I suspect it’s related to the “cobweb” of thoughts that is normally present.

It’s important that you phrase your frustration and anger and sadness entirely on who. This wasn’t women as a whole, this was one woman who stabbed you in the back.

No. PISD.

Post infidelity. It’s traumatic but entirely around a former intimate relationship.

PISD is a normal response to this. It has severe depression, severe impact to self-esteem and general confidence, severe impact to work performance, etc. Etc. it’s a million times worse than.

I’m not saying he’s not a suicide risk. The actual incidence of it is really high. In fact I’m surprised he hadn’t attempted. I had well controlled depression before my spouse’s affair.

There is no medication aside from sedatives that will help OP with this. And sedatives only delay recovery. He’s doing what he needs to, and he’s wondering why people are giving up and leaving him be.

It’s because this shit is that fucking draining. Any LPCC knows they are just as much at risking their licence as any doctor. Saying ‘go see a doc and get meds’ is just as dismissive as his former friends who have given up with him.

Honestly? As long as he’s being honest with a LPCC, he’s doing better than he would be in a hospital here in the US.

Ahhh, that’s the term I forgot. “Love bombing.”

My ex would do these one off things unexpectedly to convince me I was important to her, then coldly ignore me the rest of the time.

Because he’s clearly suffering from PISD. Yes he needs help. He’s seeing a counselor weekly. He’s getting worse with that.

This, what OP is going through ? That’s normal. As my therapist said, she would have been far more worried if I didn’t get the thoughts.

Trauma is way harder to work through, and needs far more delicate care than depression. Depression is a symptom here, and his therapist will tell him to talk to a physician, OR if they determine he’s a risk to himself, they will get him emergency care.

You know, I can’t seem to find it right now.

It was in a paper discussing “Immediate effects of Post-Infidelity-Stress-Disorder”.

I was also given a similar number after my attempt (1/3rd of men)

5 months? Are you kidding me? I’m at 5 years, and it’s still stinging despite intense therapy and medications.

This shit is not quick. It’s grief. His relationship, all that 9 years of marriage, etc. died. He might still need it, sure. But that is not what we’re looking at here.

Bro. I am gonna be real with you.

I was in an abusive relationship too. She cheated on me at 30 and blamed me. I am not going to sugar coat this.

It will fuck you up for a great long while. This all happened to me in 2020. I’ve been through intensive outpatient therapy. I’ve lost 100 lbs.

It still hurts when it comes to me. You are grieving. This ain’t depression. 40% of men who experience an unfaithful long term marriage commit suicide. You are heartbroken. You are realizing this ain’t you.

It will get better. Little by little. And I still have a long ass ways to go. I’m not even officially divorced yet.

I’m not going to give you advice, because the only thing I understand, is that I finally found me again, and I like that dude a hell of a lot more than I like who I was with my ex.

But it’s going to suck the entire time. The entire 5 years has sucked. But I finally see a light. There is a pinprick of light. I’m heading towards it. You can’t see it yet. I understand. But it’s there.

Très vrai !

But it still takes me quite a bit of time still. Eventually. I hope. One day. I wish we had like language classes where I live :/

Ok I can do bits and pieces of French but not quickly, but yes I agree.

Also because it’s stupid hard to pronounce with an American accent.

Lmfao

Il y a beaucoup de français ici.

But I’m not French.

Sorry for the necro on this - but I like to read past threads and see if I pick up new information.

It turns out I can’t see an apple in my mind, not exactly. There is a very brief moment where an apple manifests for like a single frame, but the image is gone the next tick.

I believe this classifies as aphantasia. Interestingly, the “concept” of the apple remains. I can “feel” the entirety of what the apple is, just not see it.

At the same time, when I recall strings of text or numbers it is always a image of when I saw it. I also have an internal monolog that others don’t. Brains am weird man

The revolution will not be televised.