Title is a bit much so let me explain.
The world has all kinds of terrible things that the individual can do basically nothing about. Luckily, for most of us it has no direct impact and we are able to ignore the painful reality. But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?
As for the drugs, I specifically mean weed and specifically for the days where I find it too hard to ignore. I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.
Notes:
- Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
- I’m not suicidal, I don’t harm myself and while I can tell that lately I have been using weed too much, I don’t think I am abusing it. I’m logging my usage and I review it weekly, If it get’s out of hand I will know (I think)
- I’m mostly asking about using external stimulation as a form of escapism
- Yes, I need therapy, sadly it is expensive. Yes I am looking for options.
EDIT: Thanks to all of the replies, I have read them all but I don’t want to respond to all of them. I think this post helped, so thank you!
There’s a fine line between use and abuse
I drink
A lot
It has caused problems in the past, right now it’s not affecting my work or anything else, so while I know it’s a snarling beast on the end of a tight chain, it’s still leashed
I’m very aware of how easy it is to let that leash loosen, because then shit runs away
I know why I’m doing what I do right now, and it’s not a situation that will last forever.
I also know that the first lie someone with a problem tells is to themself
I have lost people to substance abuse
It’s easy to pretend that weed isn’t like other substances because you’re not stumbling or throwing up, but it’s not different at all. It’s you using something because you want to feel something different
Don’t forget that there’s a reason why people make jokes about stoners, and it’s impossible to see that you’re one of them when you’re numbed by weed
If you aren’t happy without weed, you won’t be happy with it. It’s just dulling the corners of reality, and it’s temporary.
Substance abuse is wild, and seductive
It’ll never ask anything of you, and yet it will take and take until you have no more to give, and you won’t see it coming, because you will always find a justification while the substance is in control
“It’s just…”
“It’s only a little…”
“I deserve a reward…”
Good luck to you, deep down, we all know
We’re great at lying to ourselves. The fact that you’re asking the question is a great start
Kia kaha
Thank you
I genuinely think that weed is one of the most insidious substances, because when you’re even a little bit drink, it’s obvious, and you can’t function
But you can be low-level stoned, and pass, but you’re not actually able to get shit done
You’re not sloppy like a drunk, but you’re dulled, kinda stupid and useless
And that’s you for the rest of your life, because your brain will be fundamentally altered. You can stop smoking, but the effect on your prefrontal cortex is permanent. You’ll forever be the age you started using heavily
When I was seventeen, that sounded great…
In my forties, I know better
Drugs are wildly different from each other. Stimulants are somewhat similar to each other, depressants are somewhat similar to each other. But weed, heroin, cocaine, alcohol, and caffeine are completely different from each other. Weed is a lot closer to caffeine than alcohol, heroin, and alcohol in effects and physical addiction.
This is true, using drugs as a coping mechanism is basically the same thing no matter which drug.